You don't have to say it out loud for it to be true
by MoreThanTonight
Summary: Hunter and Sebastian don't know how to talk about their feelings, but maybe they don't have to talk about them. Warning: Smoking


The thick smoke seeped through Sebastian's closed lips, breaking its way free to the poorly illuminated room. A pair of green eyes followed the wisps of smoke as it slowly made its way up, evaporating gradually until there was nothing left. Just the memory of it. The empty space was quickly replaced with another puff of smoke.

The concrete floor underneath Sebastian was cold. Colder now in the winter, he thought to himself. The room was so dark, so quiet and secluded that it could have been summer outside for all he knew. But the cold dragged him back to reality and grounded him firmly. Kept him in line from soaring too high. Just like the smoke, Sebastian would vanish like a dream if he soared too high. Get burned by the sun and his own foolishness. His lost year as Warbler captain proved that much.

"That's terrible for your lungs." The silence was broken. In the room where the only light was from the musty yellow lamp by the wall glowing faintly with an eerie undertone, it was almost too easy to forget that he wasn't alone. Taking another long drag of the cigarette, Sebastian felt the way the smoke burned his lungs before setting the smoke free. "I'm going to die before I turn 60 anyway. I'm not too worried," Sebastian murmured, his voice dark and raspy from not being used for a while.

This room was his place. He found it by accident during his first week at the school when he was in a frenzy, kissing a senior in the hallway. He opened the first door he found, hoping that it would be a closet. What he found was so much better.

The room wasn't huge by any means. It was dirty and cold, with concrete walls and floor. Sometimes it felt more like a prison cell, but I was /his/ room. The one place he could return to when the outside world became too much. There was no furniture, nothing. The dark shadows on the wall hinted that there used to be a desk there. Maybe it used to be an office. Not that Sebastian cared. It was his now. And maybe – just maybe – a little bit Hunter's too.

"Can I try it?" Hunter's voice was calculating and sterile, as though it was more of an order than a question. Sebastian didn't mind. He has had enough of boys who try to butter him up with sweet words and promises that never linger too long. He could use more bitter honesty in his life. More dirt, more grime, more cold. More honesty. Less sugar coating. More Hunter. "It is terrible for your lungs," Sebastian echoed Hunter's words, but passed him the almost burned down cigarette nevertheless. From the corner of his eyes, he could barely make out Hunter's lips locking around the orange filter. Hunter's eyes closed a little as he inhaled the smoke. For a second nothing happened. Sebastian would have thought that time stood still if it weren't for the glowing end of the cigarette that was burning brightly.

But when Hunter started coughing, even biting the insides of his cheek couldn't prevent Sebastian from laughing. "You are such an innocent prude, Clarington," he chuckled, snatching the smoke back from a wheezing Hunter. "I actually appreciate my lungs, unlike you," Hunter snapped, the remnants of the smoke still burning in his lungs. He had no idea why Sebastian liked to do this, come here and smoke. But then again, he had no idea why Sebastian did most of the things he did.

"It is almost cute, this side of you," Sebastian's tone was short, but not hostile. Only Hunter knew that he was trying not to sound sappy. "If I knew you had a coughing kink, I would have pulled that card a long time ago," Hunter smirked. They both knew that wasn't what Sebastian was talking about, but the c-word almost never crossed Sebastian's lips. A lot of words didn't cross Sebastian's lips. Like the question that Hunter was dying to hear. They were practically boyfriends by this time, but neither of them acknowledged it out loud. Their kisses were always behind closed doors. Dark, passionate and addicting. Out of sight, but never out of mind. Before long, the tension was replaced with another puff of smoke, polluting the air around them.

If anyone asked Hunter what he thought about smokers, he would say that it was a vile habit that is too expensive and foul. He would tell them that it gave bad breath and yellow nails. But what he would never tell anyone was the way heat pooled in his groin whenever Sebastian's lips sucked around that cigarette end. He would never speak about the lingering, intoxicating taste of ash on Sebastian's lips as he kissed the bitterness away. He would never utter a single word of how mysterious Sebastian looked when he was shrouded in smoke in this dark, filthy room.

There were a lot of things Hunter wouldn't say, but he didn't need to either. Instead, he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Sebastian's warm lips. His tongue scraped along his bottom lip, gathering the charcoal taste that he would never admit he craved. Or maybe it was just the taste of Sebastian he needed.

When they pulled away, Sebastian wordlessly took another drag from the burning cigarette before flicking it away to the corner. The concrete floor under the two boys was littered with cigarette butts and burns, but it was a part of the charm. "Are you ever going to quit smoking?" Hunter asked him.

"Do I have a reason to quit?" Sebastian challenged him, arching his eyebrows.

The silence between them was never uncomfortable, no matter how long it lasted. That was why Hunter allowed himself a few precious seconds, stretching the silence out, before replying. "I might kiss you more often if you didn't smoke."

A strange look gleamed in Sebastian's eyes for a moment, before it vanished. It was hard to tell if it had even been there in the first place.

"Even in front of the Warblers?" Sebastian voice was pressed so low that it was hard to make out the words, but Hunter thought he heard them well enough. "You know, just so that half of them would get a heart attack and I don't have to deal with their whiny asses," Sebastian added, to mask the fact that he really _wanted_ Hunter to kiss him in public.

"Only if you kiss me in the hallway," Hunter shot back daringly, not backing away from the pointed look in Sebastian's eyes. "You know, just so that Mrs. Townton lands herself in a coma and I don't have to take that geometry test."

"That might be manageable."

"It's a deal then," Hunter whispered just before their lips met again in a slow kiss, the weak taste of the mint gum he spat out an hour ago intermingling with the ashy, dirty, lovely taste on Sebastian's lips.

They didn't have to say it out loud. There was an inaudible whisper of _I want you_ in the kiss that drummed as irregularly as Sebastian's heart. A faint cry of _I need you_ in the way Hunter pressed his chest against Sebastian's. An echoing plea of _Don't break my heart_ as Sebastian closed his eyes, his lips never leaving Hunter's.

But most of all, there was an untold _I love you i_n the way their fingers sneakily entangled together.


End file.
